What to do when dating a commitment phobe
) “I have grown as a human with you, and had thoughts and hopes of us building a dynasty together and being each other’s champion …” (Right about now I was feeling pretty awesome for changing him so much.Man, he needed my excellent love.) “I don’t understand how a person’s feelings can change 180 degrees after feeling what I thought we were feeling.” (My feelings changed because he wouldn’t answer my phone calls and disappeared for days at a time when I asked for a monogamous relationship.) “I must let you know that I have never felt what I feel for you with anyone.” (Ego so, so happy.The good news is that it doesn’t necessarily mean that you are with the wrong person and should break up with them – it would be far better to stay and face the fear.If you don’t work it out in this relationship it is just going to come up again in the next one. Maybe you have issues from childhood as a result of parenting that was not stable or emotionally supportive.Your mind is in a negative spin and before long everything becomes so irritating it is so painful that you feel that you have no choice but to leave.Negative – in your head you start to trash everything about the relationship – they don’t really understand you; your tastes are too different; sex might be better with someone else – every part of you seems tuned into collecting evidence to prove that this relationship is no good for you (or your partner) and you would be better off on your own or with someone else.A commitment phobe is someone who struggles to make a commitment particularly in intimate relationships.It may seem to be totally irrational – you really love the person you are with; get on great; can see a future with them but as soon as you feel yourself being pulled in the direction of a lasting commitment something powerful holds you back and you start to feel: Like you’ve got itchy feet – as if there are other possibilities just around the corner and if you tie yourself down to this one person you may miss out on a fantastic opportunity somewhere else.
They may even ‘run up’ their phone bill, talking to you.
Thus, the feelings he has for you are free to surface in this non-threatening environment. The only difference, this time it’s faster.” You can’t believe the intensity of the love letters I received from my two commitment-phobes when I finally got strong enough to walk away.
The relationship is over, so he is no longer frightened. When that happens, usually the scenario is played out all over again.
Commitment phobia is the fear of permanence, and usually applies specifically to romantic relationships.
Most articles on this topic are targeted at women, with advice about what to do if the man they were dating were commitment phobic. ” None of the articles I found addressed those who have this condition, nor acknowledged that women can have it too, nor showed how to overcome it.
I’d start finding all sorts of reasons why the relationship wouldn’t work.